Parent Stuff

Where Is God?

    A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be assured that if any mischief occurred in their town, their two young sons were in some way involved.

    The parents were at their wits’ end as to what to do about their sons’ behavior. The mother had heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so she asked her husband if he thought they should send the boys to speak with the clergyman.

    The husband said, "We might as well. We need to do something before I really lose my temper."

    The clergyman agreed to speak with the boys, but asked to see them individually. The 8-year-old went to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"

    The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?"

    Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised hi voice even more and shook his finger in the boy’s face. "WHERE IS GOD?"

    At that, the boy bolted from the room and ran directly home, slamming himself in his closet. His older brother followed him into the closet and said, "What happened?"

    The younger brother replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing, and they think we did it!"

The Blessing

    A woman invited some people over for dinner. At the table she turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" The girl replied, "I wouldn’t know what to say." "Just say what you heard Mommy say," the mother answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

"Where Did I Come From?"

    One day little Johnny came up to his father and asked, "Dad, where did I come from?"

    Dad squirmed a bit, but thought it was time his son knew the facts of life. So, Dad told his son how the expression of love resulted in the beginning of life, how life developed in the womb and finally how a child was born.

    As Dad told the story, his son's eyes got wider and wider. When Dad was finished, his son said, "Wow, that's really neat. That sure beats what Billy told me. He said his father told him that he came from Philadelphia."

Can You Make Me A Bagel?

    Early one morning before school a young teenage boy was eating a bowl of cereal as he stood before the refrigerator reading his school lunch menu. He asked his mother, "Mom can you make me a bagel?"

    His mother quickly responded as she smiled, "Sure son... POOF, you’re a bagel!"

    With a subtle grin the boy said, "Oh, real funny, mom."

A Three Year Old Prays

    A father knelt with his son to hear his prayers. The three-year-old boy began in all seriousness: "Our Father who art in heaven, how do You know my name?"

A Bible Story

    A father was reading a Bible story to his young son. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"

You'd Never Believe It

    Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School. "Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge, and all the people walked across safely. He used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters and call in an air strike. They sent in bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."

    "Now, Joey, is that REALLY what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.

    "Well, no, Mom, but if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"

A New Song

    A child came home from Sunday School and told his mother that he had learned a new song about a cross-eyed bear named Gladly.

    It took his mother a while before she realized that the hymn was really "Gladly The Cross I'd Bear."

Boys and Long Hair

    A young boy had just got his driver's permit and inquired of his father, an evangelist, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to the study and said to the boy, "I’ll make a deal with you, son. You bring your grades up from a C to a B-average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut and we’ll talk about the car."

    Well, the boy thought about that for a moment and decided that he’d better settle for the offer, and they agreed.

    After about six weeks the boy came back and again asked his father about the car. Again, they went to the study where his father said, "Son, I’ve been real proud of you. You’ve brought your grades up, and I’ve observed that you’ve been studying your Bible and participating a lot more in the Bible study class on Sunday morning. But I’m real disappointed since you haven’t got your hair cut."

    The young man paused a moment and then said, "You know, dad, I’ve been thinking about that and I’ve noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, and there’s even strong argument that Jesus himself had long hair."

    To which his father replied, "You’re right, son. Did you also notice they all WALKED everywhere they went?"

Thoughts Of Mother

    4 Years of age: "My Mommy can do anything!"

    8 Years of age: "My Mom knows a lot! A Whole Lot!"

    12 Years of age: "My Mother doesn't really know quite everything."

    14 Years of age: "Naturally, Mother doesn't know that, either."

    16 Years of age: "Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned."

    18 Years of age: "That old woman? She’s way out of date!"

    25 Years of age: "Well, she might know a little bit about it."

    35 Years of age: "Before we decide, let’s get Mom's opinion."

    45 Years of age: "Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?"

    65 Years of age: "Wish I could talk it over with Mom."

Private School Pays Off

    A young boy walked up to his dad and asked him, "Hey Dad, how do you spell God?"

    With surprise, the dad lowered his Sunday paper and said, "Son, you spell God, G-O-D."

    The son says, "Thanks, Dad," and turned to leave.

    As the son was walking back to his room, the dad couldn’t help but think how well the tuition at the private school was paying off. With a smile on his face, he returned to his Sunday paper.

    A few moments later, his son returned again and asked, "Hey, Dad?" The eager father dropped his paper in anticipation of another spiritual question and says, "Yes, son?"

    The son asks, "How do you spell Zilla?"

Little, Johnny's Question

    Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things. "Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?" he asked his mother.

    "He thinks a lot," replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness.

    Or she was, until Johnny thought for a second and asked, "So why do you have so much hair?"

A Pharmacist Helps Out

    A young man was planning his first sexual experience with his girlfriend, who was also a virgin.

    He went to the Pharmacy and spoke with the Pharmacist and explained his situation in vivid detail. He told him he wanted to be gentle, caring, loving and wanted it to be special. He then asked what the Pharmacist could suggest in the way of contraceptives. The Pharmacist suggested a certain brand of condom and wished him well.

    A few days later before the event was to take place, the girlfriend and her family invited the boyfriend to dinner. The mother and the girlfriend were sitting at the table ready to enjoy the meal. The father came into the dining room and sat down.

    At that point the mother asked the boyfriend to say grace. He bowed his head and proceeded for about 5 minutes. And then continued on for another 5 minutes. And after 15 minutes the girlfriend said, "Gee, I didn't realize you were so religious."

    The boyfriend responded, "I didn't realize your father was a Pharmacist."