Kid Stuff


Acting Up In Church

    One Sunday in a Midwest city a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle.

    Finally the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out.

    Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"



Tax Deduction

    A little boy, who wanted $100.00 very badly, prayed for two weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting $100.00.

    When the postal authorities received the letter to GOD, U.S.A., they decided to send it to the President. The President was so impressed, touched and amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the boy $5.00. Mr. President thought that this would appear to be a lot of money to the little boy.

    The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and immediately sat down to write a thank-you note to GOD that read, "Dear God, Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, D.C., and, as usual, those turkeys deducted $95.00."



Adam's Suit

    A little boy opened the big, old family Bible with fascination and looked at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.

    "Momma, look what I found," the boy called out.

    "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.

    With astonishment in his voice, he answered, "I think it’s Adam’s suit



What Does A Frog Say?

    A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3-year-old daughter.

    Mother: "What does the cow say?"

    Child: "Moooo!"

    Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?"

    Child: "Meow."

    Mother: "Oh, you’re so smart! What does the frog say?"

    The wide-eyed little 3-year-old looked up at her mother and replied, "Bud!"



Four Little Kittens

    A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a new litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, "There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens."

    "How did you know that?" his mother asked.

    "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it’s printed on the bottom."



In Mom's Footsteps

    An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story about her then four-year-old daughter.

    On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it.

    "Be still my heart," thought my friend, "my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!"

    Then the child spoke into the instrument: "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"



The First Pancake

    A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. They began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.

    "If Jesus were sitting here, he would say, ‘Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.’"

    Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you can be Jesus!"



Children's Prayers

    A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy: "So your mother says your prayers for you each night. Very commendable. What does she say?"

    The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"

    Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room. After a while he emerged and informed his mother that he had thought it over and then said a prayer.

    "Fine," said the pleased mother. "If you ask the Lord to help you not misbehave, He will help you."

    "Oh, I didn't ask Him to help me not misbehave," said Johnny. "I asked Him to help you put up with me."

    A five-year-old said grace at family dinner one night. "Dear God, thank you for these pancakes..."

    When he concluded, his parents asked him why he thanked God for pancakes when they were having chicken.

    He smiled and said, "I thought I'd see if He was paying attention tonight."

    A little boy’s prayer: "Dear God, please take care of my daddy and my mommy and my sister and my brother and my doggy and me. Oh, please take care of yourself, God. If anything happens to You, we’re gonna be in a big mess."



Too Rough

    A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?"

    Her mother replied, "No, you can’t play with the boys, they’re too rough."

    The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"



An Awful Big Hole

    One day Timmy was in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeing him there, decided to investigate.

    "What are you doing there, Timmy?" he asked.

    Timmy replies, "My goldfish died and I'm burying him."

    "That's an awful big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?" asked the neighbor.

    Timmy shot back, "That's because he's inside your cat!"



All Was Quiet

    A mother took her three-year-old daughter to church for the first time. The church lights were lowered, and then the choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles.

    All was quiet until the little one started to sing in a loud voice, "Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you,"



Difference Between Catholics and Protestants

    A four-year-old Catholic boy was playing with a 4-year-old Protestant girl in a plastic wading pool in the back yard. They splashed a lot of water on each other; their clothes were soaking wet, so they decide to take off the wet clothes.

    The little boy looked at the little girl and said, "Golly, I didn't know there was that much difference between Catholics and Protestants!"



Wrinkles

    Granddaughter was sitting on grandpa's lap as he read the paper, not paying any attention to her studying the wrinkles on his old face. She got up the nerve, and rubbed her fingers over the wrinkles and then over her own face, and looked more puzzled.

    She finally asks, "Grandpa, did God make you?" "He sure did, honey, a long time ago," he replied.

    "Well, did God make me?" she said. "Yes He did, and that wasn’t too long ago," he said.

    She thought for a minute and then said, "Boy, He’s sure doing a lot better job these days, isn’t He?"



At The Grandparents

    Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents’. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers, when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.

    "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE...

    I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO...

    I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."

    His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn’t deaf."

    To which the little brother replied, "No, but Gramma is!"



A Kodak Moment

    A small child walked daily to and from school. Although the weather was questionable one morning and clouds were forming, the child made the usual trek to the elementary school. As the day progressed, the winds increased, as well as the thunder and lightning.

    Worried her child would be frightened walking home in the thunder and lightning, and concerned that the electrical storm might be harmful, the mother got in her car and drove the route to her child’s school. As she did, lightning cut across the sky like a flaming sword, followed closely by the roar of thunder. Soon she saw her child walking along and noticed at each flash of lightning, her child stopped, looked up at the lightning and smiled.

    When her child got in the car, the mother asked, "What were you doing?"

    Her child replied, "I was posing. God kept taking pictures of me!"



Sick In Church

    Little Johnny was in church with his mom for Sunday Mass when he felt wave of nausea hit him. "Mom, I think I’m going to throw up!"

She told him, "I want you to run outside as fast as you can. Run across the lawn and go behind the bushes. You can throw up behind the bushes and nobody will see you."

So Little Johnny ran as fast as he could out the door. Less than a minute later, he returned to his seat next to his mom.

He had the look of obvious relief on his young face.

"Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Little Johnny?"

"I didn’t have to go that far, mom. Just as I got to the front door, I found a box that had a sign on it that said ‘FOR THE SICK’."



Practicing Prayer

    A mother was teaching her three-year-old The Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, the child repeated it after the mother.

    Then one night the child was ready to solo.

    The mother listened with pride to the carefully enunciated words, right up to the end.

    "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail. Amen."



Loud In Church

    Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."

    "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.

    Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They’re Hushers."



The Wrong Feet

    Another three-year-old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed that the left shoe was on the right foot.

    She said, "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet."

    He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, "Don't kid me, Mom. They're the only feet I got!"



At The Card Shop

    Little Johnny had been pawing over a stationer's stock of greeting cards for some time when a clerk asked, "Just what is it you're looking for? A birthday greeting, message to a sick friend, anniversary or a congratulations to your mom and dad?"

    Johnny shook his head and answered, "Got any like a blank report cards?"